Blog Piece

Crossing the bridge of blame and guilt

May 15, 2019

Human beings are similar, and most feel trapped in the situations they are in. Everyone at some stage of their life has asked themselves the question, ‘Why am I stuck in this situation?’

Most of us look at our exterior surroundings, and the answers we receive will be, ‘My parents forced me to do this’, ‘My boss is a sadist and my colleague a manipulator’ and so on. Sometimes we are upset with ourselves for not having performed as per our expectation.

All of these feelings strike a discordant tone in our mind because as humans, our first instinct is survival. Hence, we look for ways and means to overcome the situation. Our whole existence and energies are focused on how fast can we get out of the situation and cross over, to what seems a better space to be in. In the bargain, we create stress and discontentment in our immediate surroundings, and our behaviour towards our family and friends is filled with tension and acrimony. We are hell bent on finding a solution, and we stretch ourselves to that end, often loosing focus on absorbing the learning from the situation.

One of the first things, to keep in mind, is that it is only when we absorb a situation, understand its nature, parameters, and workings, can we come up with a viable solution. We need to look at each situation as a lesson, a class, a self-study; such situations need not be overcome, rather we need to progressively learn, and graduate from them, moving on to handle another situation that life throws at us. What this approach to life does is it helps remove the desperation and uneasiness. For in the process of graduation, we realize that there is a purpose for the time we spend in a situation.

As a believer of destiny, we believe that each one of us comes with our own karmic balance sheet. Your situation as well as whatever you do/don’t is predestined as per the balance sheet. You have to go through certain experiences, and people just serve as mediums who become the cause of the situation. Hence, you need not blame anyone nor feel guilty, or you will end up taking the onus of that act performed or not performed, trapping you yet again in the vicious cycle of karma.

One way of practicing staying in the situation, and learning from it, is by looking at the self from a third person’s perspective. Observe the self taking ownership of your action and try to understand and accept the concept of non-doer-ship. Non-doership, in simple terms, is not taking ownership of your actions, good or bad. The belief here is, I am a medium to this situation and nothing more. As we observe the self, slowly yet surely, we detach from our actions and emotions, and once that happens, all other attachments become meaningless.

Yes, a whole lot of you reading this will argue that the thought of destiny, karma, etc all are easier said than done. When the chips are down, walking the talk is not an easy task. But what choice does one have?

When we slowly and consciously keep trying to put theory into practice we will notice that we have reached from point X to point Y. Thus, it’s important to be “Bindaas” (carefree and accepting), and to keep trying and not getting weighed down by failure

A lot of times, when discussing the concept of Karma questions like ‘Is there somewhere merit in not trying to achieve something at all? Or can things evolve far easier then, with a lesser burden to the mind? Is it best to go with the flow?’ The answer is: Absolutely. Not trying yet being at peace could be described as a state of bliss.

Even as I write this is I am aware that there will be moments when all these theories will fail, and implementation will be unsuccessful. Reality as we know it is contradictory; however, if the seed is nurtured and watered, the core will continue to evolve.

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